I still can't stop shaking, I don't think I'm as concerned about the whole break up thing as much as the jack, voices and stuff like that. Although I think that guy may like someone else, I'm a paranoid person anyway so it kind of makes sense to feel like that, I shouldn't really care. No one should care about me anyway, so there isn't much point in caring if things continue to go wrong. I don't know if I said this before, but because I'm not a nice person, no one should like me, they should all just leave me alone. I don't even see why I had to born, I can't do anything for anyone else, life has never been that great for me and I just ruin everyone's lives anyway. I waste everyone's time, I don't even see the point of writing this half the time, it would just waste your time. I have an exam in two days, I feel okayish with it, but at the same time, I really do not want to be here any more, I serve no purpose. Why do I have to live by the whole, "I've been put on this planet, my living conditions are better than many other peoples and I should therefore be able to do something for the world"? It would be so much easier if I didn't think like that, then I could end it all without that regret that the thing I try to live by all this time has become meaningless and I just wasted my time, I mean I still want to kill myself in a way, I just can't because of that. But bit would be better for everyone else, then they wouldn't have to waste their time thinking about me at all. And I'm really scared of what is going on. But oh well, that doesn't matter. Considering the way on going at the moment and the way I have been for years now, I'm never going to get anywhere, just be alone wanting to stay away from any human life, maybe I should just fine a cave, live there where no one has to think I'm still around, where nature can kill me rather than myself. And right now, all I want to do is cause myself pain, and I'm sorry if anyone is reading this and has no idea what any of this means. I just don't know what to do, I'm more than often scared to talk to friends because I know I'm likely to annoy one of them to the point where they waste time being annoyed with me. I don't even know why any of my friends are friends with me, I'm just a boring person no one should know who should have never existed in the first place because nothing can go right. Life, goes downhill at 4 or 5 years old, gets worse and worse until I reach now, why did I have to reach now, I should have just died before no one else could know me. Easier, stupid beliefs. I think that is my most strong belief that I will not kill myself. And I'm so angry, upset, scared right now. People constantly says that things get better, but they never do. Why can I be okay, I've tried so hard, yet it doesn't work, is the whole world against me?